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Ah, yes, take you to the store, absolutely! Stay up late to
help you meet your deadline, certainly! Get up early and start breakfast, sure!
Another meeting, another kid's sporting event, another class, another favor...
by all means!
Did I mention I'm a mom? Of seven. And that four of those
loud, always fighting, whining, complaining, noise-making, messy-room-having,
chore-ignoring offspring still live in the house with us—with my husband and
his middle-aged, wore-down and frankly, super tired wife.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer. In my forties I started writing books. In less than 10 years I wrote upwards of twelve. In college I wanted to write a play. In my forties I wrote six! I started teaching art classes, I started a school, I began to mentor pre-teens, I dove deep into a barrage of volunteer opportunities.
And even though, for most people, that looks like more than
enough to keep anyone busy, I was still doing favors for anyone who asked. I
thought I could do it all and still be who I needed to be for myself. I was
wrong. My end table was hosting a stack of to-be-read books, my craft room was
full of meaning-to-get-to projects, my gym clothes... well, we just won't go
there. I always had so many other things to do.
I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a friend. Through my new
prescription glasses (oh the joys of 40), that all looked like responsibility
and loyalty. I scoffed when the doctor suggested I get 7-8 hours of sleep each
night. Self-care was laughable. I was too busy caring for everyone else in my
life and still making time to live a handful of my own dreams.
On the sunset of my forties the "S" on my chest started to fade and the
tights started getting a little tight and as 50 appeared in my daily planner
between the high school winter dance and the middle school band concert I began
to realize I was exhausted. I had lived nearly half of my life caring for the
needs of other people who surely, should be able to take care of themselves.
So, friend, hubby, kiddos, I’m giving myself permission to
say no, I am starting to see myself differently. Inundated with what I thought
I had to be for all of the people that I thought needed me to be I didn’t
realize that you will figure it out. You will make a way. You will do it
without me. I don't have to solve every problem or figure out how to make ends
meet. Sometimes the people in my life must save themselves. Even superheroes
get tired.
So excuse me, if you will, as I take off my cape and fold it
neatly to use as a pillow. And please, don’t wake me, I’m tired.
So good, so true, so well said. Love the permission to fold up the cape!!
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